Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
