Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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