My balls are so social today.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize