Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
ttyl tear gas
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
