YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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