I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
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