And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
