I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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