ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
