please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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