Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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