um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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