ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
