i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
