i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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