We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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