Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
