Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
