Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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