Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
