I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
