Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My pussy is not your playground.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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