The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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