Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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