they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
