They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
