I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
