It's Friday. Sex?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize