Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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