This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
