ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
