Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
