STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
