have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Four minutes until I can fart!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
