What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We named our party play list daddy issues
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
