maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
