So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
