I want to have your abortion
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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