I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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