Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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