Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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