so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
