I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
