Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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