Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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