I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
