Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
