Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
