Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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