He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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