Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
