It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
this hospital has no fireball
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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