i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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