If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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