Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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