so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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