i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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