How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
