Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
we're so committed to being not committed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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