Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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