ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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