dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
