a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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