I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
