My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
