I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize