and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you have to choose: penises or morals?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
