Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
