Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
