I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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