Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
