the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize