Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
