if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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