last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
