what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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