Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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