Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
