Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
