god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
