Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
