it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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