he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
