i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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