My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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