I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
