sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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