he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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