Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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