not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
