It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
