Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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