How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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