no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
