can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She bit a glass in half.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
