Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I will be naked everywhere
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
