Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
