This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
