I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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