oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
