Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize