I'm eating all of the evidence.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
